Tuesday, August 1, 2006

Drumbeat of War

The drumbeat of war between the sexes continues. But it's not just one side that has rhetoric without empathy. Wounds are revealed.

When I read about the taqueria singer, my comment was "So, did you make five bucks?", curious as to what happened next. The next few comments had a more vindictive tone, "I so hope you took up the dare" (Phil), "please tell me you did women all over America justice" (Angel Girl), and "please tell me you did" (et tu, M?). My first thought was that possible previous personal bad dating experiences must be causing them to assume the worst about this guy, but I think what bothered me even more was blind cheerleading for a rude response.

A kinder analysis was that "there is a fine line between funny and insulting" (Jenni). Yes, and I think it is fair to say that this guy didn't know where the line was (somewhere fairly far behind him).


The best response to the situation was the actual one - "I told him that [I really like that place and didn't want to be 'that girl who dumps drinks on people'] was my only reason holding me back and he let up and bought me an apology shot" (S). A little reasonable confrontation and the problem was solved. I like her.


I've been watching "#1 Single: The Dating Life of Lisa Loeb", yet another reality TV series. In it she receives advice from her sister and friends, and some of it is self-contradicting and sexist ("never pay for anything", "let him lead", "don't emasculate him"), reinforcing gender roles out of the fifties. At least it didn't take very long for LL to toss the advice and be herself, strong and independent.

There is so much adherence to arbitrary rules based on the very patriarchy that adherents decry. Throw away the rulebook. Be open, be honest, take no guff, but don't stoop.